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Thursday, September 8, 2022
Thursday, September 12, 2019
School Refusal Tips for Parents
Have a positive attitude:
- Believe that your child will get over the problem and let them know that you believe they can handle it.
- Be understanding and use reflective listening at times when you are not attempting to get compliance. Don’t use shame, guilt, insults, sarcasm, or demeaning language. Acknowledge that you know you are asking them to do something hard, but it is something they can do.
- The goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to help the child to manage it effectively.
- Expect setbacks and relapses, but continue to express clear expectations and encouragement.
- Don't avoid things or situations that make the child anxious. Avoidance will make things better in the short run, but reinforces anxiety in the long run.
Improve communication skills:
- Don’t ask leading questions, questions like: “Are you anxious? Are you worried? Are you frightened?”
- Learn to issue parental commands. Directives must be made with eye contact, simple, clear, specific expectations, clear rewards and consequences, and not in the form of a question.
- Respect your child’s feelings, but don’t empower them. The message should be: “I know you are scared. That’s OK. I will help you get through this.”
- Maintain contact and communication with the school. Often when a child is experiencing emotional difficulty in school, there is a fear of visibly “losing control” in front of classmates. One way to make the school day feel safer for your child is to ask the school to establish a safe place where s/he can go to calm down such as a school counselor/psychologist/social worker’s or nurse’s office.
Consistency of consequences/rewards:
- Have every school day begin the same way. Develop a “morning routine” that is the same every day and don’t allow the child to vary from the routine.
- Do not allow excessive questions or conversation from the child to change the morning routine or delay going to school.
- If you cannot get your child to school, make your house boring. 1st basic rule: The child should not be allowed to do anything during school hours that he/she would not be allowed to do at school (e.g. sleep in, play video games, watch TV, have access to cell phone etc.)
- Reward the child for going to school (e.g. access to cell phone, extra electronics time, preferred activities after school).
Getting them out the door:
- Stay calm. If the child sees your anxiety, anger, frustration, or disappointment, you can make their anxiety worse.
- Start the night before by:
- Go over the morning routine
- Decide and lay out clothing (no changes)
- Set aside all equipment (shoes, backpacks, books, assignments)
- Get the child to bed early enough that they will awake rested.
The morning of school:
- Monitor and insist that they are following the morning routine. If they can complete the routine ahead of schedule, the time is theirs to spend as they wish.
- Avoid “power struggles.” If s/he is well enough to be up and around the house, then s/he is well enough to attend school. Expect and insist on compliance. Very simply - it is compliance or consequences.
- Say “when” rather than “if” when talking about their school refusal (When you are at school today).
- Issue a parental directive rather than talk, explain, preach, or beg when attending school is immediate.
- Listen to your child and encourage them to talk about their fears at appropriate times, not when attempting to get them to attend school. “We can talk about that this evening.”
- Praise and reinforce achieving the “morning routine.”
- Use direct statements when it is time to go to school. Don’t ask questions that give them the option of not going to school. For example, “Do you think you can go to school today?”
- Learn to ignore statements and behaviors that indicate the child is contemplating or has decided not to attend school.
- Give the child as much control as possible (the illusion of control) but don’t give the child the decision making power about whether or not they are going to school. “Do you want to wear your red sweater or blue sweater to school?” “Do you want to to buy your lunch or take your lunch to school today?”
- If you become emotional when requiring a child to attend have someone else, if possible, (other parent, relative, neighbor) take the child to school.
Once they are school:
- Make sure that the child knows you will return at the end of the school day and that they are to stay at school.
- Leave quickly (don’t look back or hover). Do not reinforce their distress by rescuing them from anxiety.
- For younger children, let the child have something of yours to keep in their pocket e.g. picture, jewelry, trinket, etc.
- No matter how bad it gets, let them experience the success of finishing the day. Reinforce, reward, repeat.
- Celebrate their success with time in an enjoyable activity, favorite dinner, extra electronics time, etc.
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Promoting Resiliency in Children
HOW NOT TO BUBBLE WRAP KIDS
Learning How to Use Daily Stress to Develop Resilience
If you’ve paid attention to the media recently, you might now believe that any stress is bad for a child’s physical and mental health, that stress has reached epidemic proportions, that you need to do everything you can to reduce the amount of stress in your life and that various products from supplements to special water to squeeze balls will decrease your child’s stress and make them healthy.
BUT the science says that this isn’t true. In fact, experiencing and learning how to use stress is an important part of having good mental health and there is no evidence that any of the highly marketed stress reduction products are any more helpful than going for a brisk walk!
Mental health is the capacity to successfully adapt to life’s circumstances. It does not mean happiness nor does it mean not having negative feelings, worries, or difficulties. It includes the experience of stress and the use of that experience to help your child learn new skills and effectively address the many and frequent challenges of life, now and in the future.
This means that someone with good mental health isn’t someone who avoids or is protected from experiencing stress, but instead, someone who uses the stress they experience to learn and grow.
THE LANGUAGE OF STRESS
Stressor: An event that triggers the stress response in your body. It can be an internal event, like a thought, or an external event, like a social interaction, sound, chemical, etc.
Stress Response: Your body’s signal that you need to adapt and change in order to accommodate or deal with the stressor. This signal includes your heart racing, palms sweating, shortness of breath, butterflies in your stomach, and more
DIFFERENT TYPES OF STRESS
There are different types of stress and, actually, most daily stress is good for you!
Positive: Positive stress is short-term and it helps us learn how to adapt and grow. Situations that cause positive stress can be positive or negative (e.g., writing an examination, giving a presentation, calling someone you don’t know, not making the school team, etc.) and happen daily – often multiple times a day.
Tolerable: Tolerable stress is also short-term but involves situations where there is more serious impact (e.g., someone dying, parent’s divorce). It occurs multiple times throughout your life and as long as you have supportive relationships around, is unlikely to have any lasting negative consequences.
Toxic: Toxic stress is prolonged and extreme (e.g., abuse, neglect, violence), but for most young people, this is rare. Many will go their whole lives without experiencing toxic stress.
Toxic stress is the only type of stress that’s actually bad for you. Experiencing positive or tolerable stress actually makes us stronger, healthier and more understanding human beings!
Think about your immune system. Exposure to germs on a regular basis helps to make your immune system stronger. It teaches your body how to react so that when your body is faced with a larger challenge, such as an infection, it has the tools it needs to fight it off. Exposure to daily stressors works in much the same way. It teaches your brain how to react (or cope) so that when you are faced with a more intense stressor, you’ve already developed and practiced the skills you need to handle the situation successfully. You have learned to adapt. You are becoming resilient. If we deprive children and teens of the opportunity to learn how to cope with stressors by eliminating stressors or by intervening to solve their problems, we’re actually making it harder for them to grow into healthy and competent adults.
Young people need to be taught that the stress response is normal and a call to action, not anxiety. They also need to learn problem solving and healthy coping skills and be given the opportunity to practice those skills without adults hovering over them. If we remove kids from a stressful situation before they’ve had a chance to use their coping skills, the situation is going to feel even more stressful the next time they encounter it. And they will encounter those stressors again because no one lives a stress-free life. Persistent avoidance of stressful situations can lead to learned helplessness!
SO WHAT CAN WE DO?
Change how we think about stress. Reframe the stress response as your body preparing to tackle this challenge. Stop using the word anxiety when you mean stress response.
See Kelly McGonigal’s TedTalk for more: https://youtu.be/RcGyVTAoXEU
Model or teach effective coping. This includes problem solving, using social support, making healthy choices about food, exercise, and sleep, and much more.
Using stress reduction or relaxation exercises sparingly. This includes deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness, meditation, and more. These techniques may be useful for some people to help calm themselves but they do nothing to solve the problem causing the stress response. They should be used when a person feels so overwhelmed that they cannot effectively apply problem solving/coping strategies and they should always be linked to developing or using an effective coping strategy designed to solve the problem causing the stress response. Over-reliance on stress reduction techniques without changing the way we think about the stress response or learning how to solve the problems that this response is alerting us to may provide temporary relief but is not a substitute for engaging with life and learning how to navigate the often challenging and stormy seas of life.
Source: http://teenmentalhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Stress-Two-pager.pdf
Learning How to Use Daily Stress to Develop Resilience
If you’ve paid attention to the media recently, you might now believe that any stress is bad for a child’s physical and mental health, that stress has reached epidemic proportions, that you need to do everything you can to reduce the amount of stress in your life and that various products from supplements to special water to squeeze balls will decrease your child’s stress and make them healthy.
BUT the science says that this isn’t true. In fact, experiencing and learning how to use stress is an important part of having good mental health and there is no evidence that any of the highly marketed stress reduction products are any more helpful than going for a brisk walk!
Mental health is the capacity to successfully adapt to life’s circumstances. It does not mean happiness nor does it mean not having negative feelings, worries, or difficulties. It includes the experience of stress and the use of that experience to help your child learn new skills and effectively address the many and frequent challenges of life, now and in the future.
This means that someone with good mental health isn’t someone who avoids or is protected from experiencing stress, but instead, someone who uses the stress they experience to learn and grow.
THE LANGUAGE OF STRESS
Stressor: An event that triggers the stress response in your body. It can be an internal event, like a thought, or an external event, like a social interaction, sound, chemical, etc.
Stress Response: Your body’s signal that you need to adapt and change in order to accommodate or deal with the stressor. This signal includes your heart racing, palms sweating, shortness of breath, butterflies in your stomach, and more
DIFFERENT TYPES OF STRESS
There are different types of stress and, actually, most daily stress is good for you!
Positive: Positive stress is short-term and it helps us learn how to adapt and grow. Situations that cause positive stress can be positive or negative (e.g., writing an examination, giving a presentation, calling someone you don’t know, not making the school team, etc.) and happen daily – often multiple times a day.
Tolerable: Tolerable stress is also short-term but involves situations where there is more serious impact (e.g., someone dying, parent’s divorce). It occurs multiple times throughout your life and as long as you have supportive relationships around, is unlikely to have any lasting negative consequences.
Toxic: Toxic stress is prolonged and extreme (e.g., abuse, neglect, violence), but for most young people, this is rare. Many will go their whole lives without experiencing toxic stress.
Toxic stress is the only type of stress that’s actually bad for you. Experiencing positive or tolerable stress actually makes us stronger, healthier and more understanding human beings!
Think about your immune system. Exposure to germs on a regular basis helps to make your immune system stronger. It teaches your body how to react so that when your body is faced with a larger challenge, such as an infection, it has the tools it needs to fight it off. Exposure to daily stressors works in much the same way. It teaches your brain how to react (or cope) so that when you are faced with a more intense stressor, you’ve already developed and practiced the skills you need to handle the situation successfully. You have learned to adapt. You are becoming resilient. If we deprive children and teens of the opportunity to learn how to cope with stressors by eliminating stressors or by intervening to solve their problems, we’re actually making it harder for them to grow into healthy and competent adults.
Young people need to be taught that the stress response is normal and a call to action, not anxiety. They also need to learn problem solving and healthy coping skills and be given the opportunity to practice those skills without adults hovering over them. If we remove kids from a stressful situation before they’ve had a chance to use their coping skills, the situation is going to feel even more stressful the next time they encounter it. And they will encounter those stressors again because no one lives a stress-free life. Persistent avoidance of stressful situations can lead to learned helplessness!
SO WHAT CAN WE DO?
Change how we think about stress. Reframe the stress response as your body preparing to tackle this challenge. Stop using the word anxiety when you mean stress response.
See Kelly McGonigal’s TedTalk for more: https://youtu.be/RcGyVTAoXEU
Model or teach effective coping. This includes problem solving, using social support, making healthy choices about food, exercise, and sleep, and much more.
Using stress reduction or relaxation exercises sparingly. This includes deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness, meditation, and more. These techniques may be useful for some people to help calm themselves but they do nothing to solve the problem causing the stress response. They should be used when a person feels so overwhelmed that they cannot effectively apply problem solving/coping strategies and they should always be linked to developing or using an effective coping strategy designed to solve the problem causing the stress response. Over-reliance on stress reduction techniques without changing the way we think about the stress response or learning how to solve the problems that this response is alerting us to may provide temporary relief but is not a substitute for engaging with life and learning how to navigate the often challenging and stormy seas of life.
Source: http://teenmentalhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Stress-Two-pager.pdf
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Screenagers Film Screening for Parents
Please join Avon Lake City Schools and the PTA Council for a screening of the film Screenagers at Avon Lake High School on January 22 at 7pm in the Performing Arts Center (PAC). Screenagers explores how screen time can affect the mental health and wellbeing of children and adolescents. Parents of district students, as well as students over 10 years old are welcome to attend.
Parent Vaping Night
Avon Lake City Schools - The Truth About Vaping: What Parents Need to Know
Thursday, January 15 - Learwood Middle School Auditorium & Thursday, February 7 - Avon Lake High School Performing Arts Center (PAC) 7:00-8:30 pm.
Please join us for a presentation by Lisa Goodwin, Prevention Specialist at the LCADA Way & School Resource Officers Brian Hurd and Robert Walborn to learn about the rising concern of vaping in middle and high school students.
Resource tables and take home materials will be provided by local organizations and the district social worker, Kristin Acton.
Thursday, December 6, 2018
NEW! LEAPS Parent Support Group
NEW! LEAPS Parent Support
group
BEGINS Jan. 22, 2019
6-7 pm
LEAPS Preschool is excited to host a new monthly support
group for parents and caregivers of LEAPS students. The parent support group is an opportunity
for parents to gain support, share ideas, and learn from other parents who may
be experiencing similar issues. The parent support group will be hosted by our
school social worker, Kristin Acton. Groups will take place on the last Tuesday
of the month, from 6-7pm at LEAPS preschool. Our first meeting is January 22nd.
RSVP is helpful, but not required. Light refreshments will be provided.
To RSVP, or to learn more, contact Kristin Acton at
440-933-6290 ext. 1500 or Kristin.acton@avonlakecityschools.org
We look forward to having you!
FREE to parents & caregivers of LEAPS students.
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Grow your support system.
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Learn new strategies.
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Share successes.
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MEETINGS HELD AT LEAPS PRESCHOOL (IN REDWOOD ELEMENTARY)
32967 REDWOOD BLVD. AVON LAKE, OH 44012
LEAPS SUPERVISOR
JENNIFER FAZIO,
PHONE: 440-930-8226
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